Anaconda

15 days, daily headache, daily pain in my neck, in my chest...this is what they call depression?! no, really, it's more than that, it is Mr Hell en personne !! i dont know how long will it last, i know i cant bear it anymore, but do i have any other choice? suicide? what else? supposing i had the courage to do it, will i have the courage to face what may come next? i mean that dark hole that leads to nowhere...that eternity one spends in his tomb counting milleniums with nothing but patience because he lost his free will he had on earth... it gives goose bumps just to think about it !!
i am going to see the psychiatric this afternoon, though i dont think i need someone to confess to, think i am tired of talking about my problems, i need to forget them not to resurrect what i have succeeded to forget. do i have to say everything ?! really?! there are things that i have never found the right words to name them... i want to forget, i dont want to remember!!
hey i like snoop dog !! hors sujet !

hello,
i dont know whether it's tress, sadness or no matter what but really headaches are killing me and i cant hold on.
i saw a doctor, he said that it's originally psychologic and i got to see a psychiatric. No delay. i got to start monday. i dont know what i feel. maybe ashamed to have failed in my resistence mission. i feel like being the weakest girl in this world. besides, i hate being cared after...they will be fed up one day. i cant bear these aches anymore. i just want to go somewhere...to start a kind of a new life..why not? i heard somebody say: better late than never !! just kidding! it's Mrs davies who used to say it when fatima zahra always came late...i miss those times !! now i am finding nothing to laugh at or to cry about!

hello
guess no need to write, nobody shares!! i feel like i am talking to myself and i have already been talking to myself, but nothing echoed...so no need to write !!
things are repeating themselves!

hello!
i was busy, no, i just made myself look like busy so as not to realize that i really have nothing to do !!
i have been reading magazines of psychiatry to fix what is broken inside since it's still expensive to see a doctor here...yes, i think i hate family and i still think that my parents were not made to be together.. one is just too positive and the other is negative so no way of coexistence with each other and our life with them, as children, looks like a hell on earth. we feel too much involved because they make us share their problems even if we are not concerned. i personnally dont give a damn to their so called problems, i just want to live by myself away from their nerves breaking stories of everyday...i call them an unfit combination !!

hello !!
je ne suis pas vraiment contente même si aprés avoir vu les commentaires, je me suis dit: tiens! j'existe !
j'ai mal et j'ai peur!! le dernier ramadan, je me suis fait opérée, j'avais un ganglion dans le cou...c'etait terrible, moi qui ne connaissais pas grand chose sur les maladies...il parait que c'etait un debut d'une tuberculose ganglionnaire...the scar was terrible, taller than what was expected to be...uglier than what i expected it to be...my neck never saw sunlight since then !! i am taking medicines everyday, every morning, it's like washing my face every morning..ma3linach!!
but last night, the other part of my neck was aching..the opposite side...it's still aching...it's like the first time this illness appeared...am i having another ganglion in my neck?! i am afraid !!
not that !! really i can bear no more, i had just started making plans for my future...and i am fed up of being a burden at home...i want to work, i want to go out like all my friends do...
i wanted to learn spanish and paiting on silk...kan 3ndi barcha ahlam !!
but with this pain, everything crumbles !!
je crois bien que la mort me suit, elle me nuit...qu'il en soit ainsi, que je meurs, je veux juste vivre deux jours en paix!

larme amère fait son voyage
le long d'une joue depaysée
route infinie, chagrin illimité
tableau malheureux, triste paysage

larme sans goût creuse son tombeau
cadavre d'une vie pleine de mystère
brulera sans fin en enfer
et se ressuscite en sourire aussitôt !!

sourire faible, sourire blème
se dessine sur un visage hanté
des maux de coeur plein de secrets
figure de tristesse, autant en faire un emblème

sourire mort sur un visage mourrant
les larmes coulent en deuil
triste automne, la chute des feuilles
la dernière scène d'un soleil couchant


c'est une histoire bien rèelle
d'un visage suicidaire
fin révolutionnaire
adieu la vie qu'on dit belle

la nuit tombe, je me met dans mon lit
la mort se glisse prés de moi, partout elle me suit
comme une femme qui se fait desirer
elle me hante, elle me possède de mon plein gré

je me noie en elle
je perds tout mes repères
une seule idée me nuit
s'evader de cette triste vie

elle ronronne, je me raisonne
si tout le monde fait de la mort une amante
personne ne serait vivant dans ce monde
et pourtant elle me seduit quand elle chuchotte

elle me hante
quand elle chante
elle me séduit
quand elle sourit

elle m'habite, dans l'obscurité elle m'abrite
je coule au fond du noir
dans mes larmes du desespoir
et pourtant je l'aime tant qu'elle me chagrine

i may not get it very well according my friends, but i think that my heart is made for this reason, to love and to love...i dont even think it's made to live!!
that's why i am making a call to all readers to tell me what's love for them...come on!!!
let's have something to discuss!!