Anaconda

My parents are away. They are traveling. My mother calls my brother every two hours coz he is her best (the prince crown as i like to call the sons of all those who consider male children as more important than a population of girls..some believe that if a woman doesnt bring a male into life is STERILE !) My father calls my sister coz she is his favourite (as she is veiled, my dad believes that she was exempted from committing sins, is she an angel?!).

As for my poor phone, sometimes I forget which ringtone i have selected. It never rings. Nobody asks me what i did during my very very long day. Nobody asks whether i am feeling ok or not. Nobody cares. Deep inside, it hurts. But I wont admit it. I am Satan's favourite as every dark thought is poured down on me like a waterfall of juniper.

What should I do? I dont want to change it. I just want to feel unconcerned. I dont want to feel hurt. I hate that weakness. when I was 9-year-old and just after the divorce of my parents, my father asked me to join him and leave behind my mother, sister and brother. I did it to prrove how much I loved him. Maybe if he asked me to follow him to Hell, i would not have hesitated. My mother never asked about me. I was crossed out from her list. I suffered of course. her ignorance and carelessness tore apart my heart, and to overcome this, my father told me: When somebody hurts you, even if he is a vein, You cut it off and forget about him. I did it (automatically).

Now that they are back, he forgot what he thaught me. he sewed up their union like an old used bed sheet. and life for him seems to have taken its normal course.I  think he needs me no more. I am finding myself between revengful mother and sister and a completely disconnected father. The worse thing is that he believes whatever they say about me. And that's what really hurts. Doesnt he F***ing know me? Guess he doesnt...He really doesnt.

I was raised like a soldier, executing automatically the orders, I am finding myself lost without his orders. and maybe in this case as well, I should apply what he once thaught me, even if he is a vein in my body!! I will cut off that vein that beats for him and life will still go on for me.