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01/06/2007
Cutting the vein
My parents are away. They are traveling. My mother calls my brother every two hours coz he is her best (the prince crown as i like to call the sons of all those who consider male children as more important than a population of girls..some believe that if a woman doesnt bring a male into life is STERILE !) My father calls my sister coz she is his favourite (as she is veiled, my dad believes that she was exempted from committing sins, is she an angel?!).
As for my poor phone, sometimes I forget which ringtone i have selected. It never rings. Nobody asks me what i did during my very very long day. Nobody asks whether i am feeling ok or not. Nobody cares. Deep inside, it hurts. But I wont admit it. I am Satan's favourite as every dark thought is poured down on me like a waterfall of juniper.
What should I do? I dont want to change it. I just want to feel unconcerned. I dont want to feel hurt. I hate that weakness. when I was 9-year-old and just after the divorce of my parents, my father asked me to join him and leave behind my mother, sister and brother. I did it to prrove how much I loved him. Maybe if he asked me to follow him to Hell, i would not have hesitated. My mother never asked about me. I was crossed out from her list. I suffered of course. her ignorance and carelessness tore apart my heart, and to overcome this, my father told me: When somebody hurts you, even if he is a vein, You cut it off and forget about him. I did it (automatically).
Now that they are back, he forgot what he thaught me. he sewed up their union like an old used bed sheet. and life for him seems to have taken its normal course.I think he needs me no more. I am finding myself between revengful mother and sister and a completely disconnected father. The worse thing is that he believes whatever they say about me. And that's what really hurts. Doesnt he F***ing know me? Guess he doesnt...He really doesnt.
I was raised like a soldier, executing automatically the orders, I am finding myself lost without his orders. and maybe in this case as well, I should apply what he once thaught me, even if he is a vein in my body!! I will cut off that vein that beats for him and life will still go on for me.
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I see u're analysing the situation over and over again. It hurts bad, but I guess it helps u find potential answers. Good luck dear.
Keep writing! I think u should actually write a book, u have the "material" needed.
Ecrit par : Selma | 04/06/2007
Non ma chère! il se trouve que je suis toujours sous le choque!! j'arrive pas à avaler cela..peut etre suis je en train de me familiariser davantage avec la situation..Oh Dieu que c'est dificile!! I want somebody to borrow me his life just for one day!! to get out of this F*** skin of mine and feel different !! be somebody else...My dear Selma i cant bear my life..Really...maybe i am weak...No, I am really weak.
Ecrit par : Anaconda | 06/06/2007
Bonjour Zin,
Tiens bon, jespere ke ca va passer. Je ne sais pas koi dautre te dire but keep writing, and let go of all the abd feelings, emotions, stress, pain and memories. I think it'll help u!
Je pense a toi et t'embrasse très très fort!!!!
Ecrit par : Selma | 07/06/2007
salam
I don't have details about what's going on (there have been probably new events since we last talked), but I'd like just to remind u that u did go through hard times before, and u were strong enough to survive!
Talk to u on msn.
Ecrit par : Kaoutar | 11/06/2007
Hello Ana!!
Fin ghbourek? I hope u're doing well, iwa keep writing asa7bti, oula ghadi ndirou 3arida llimoutalaba bi post jadid!!
Kisz!!!
Ecrit par : Selma | 20/06/2007
Tes parents doivent t'adorer également.
Ecrit par : Mohamed (EKM) | 23/06/2007
Hi Oumnia ,
C'est Rime ( -->Fatima).
Ca fait lgtps qu'on s'est pas parlé.
Je vois que c'est toujours le meme probleme :(
J'espère que ça va s'arranger, que tu vas prendre la bonne décision et que tu seras enfin heureuse et libre :)
Rime
Ecrit par : Rime | 07/07/2007
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