Anaconda

hello !!
je ne suis pas vraiment contente même si aprés avoir vu les commentaires, je me suis dit: tiens! j'existe !
j'ai mal et j'ai peur!! le dernier ramadan, je me suis fait opérée, j'avais un ganglion dans le cou...c'etait terrible, moi qui ne connaissais pas grand chose sur les maladies...il parait que c'etait un debut d'une tuberculose ganglionnaire...the scar was terrible, taller than what was expected to be...uglier than what i expected it to be...my neck never saw sunlight since then !! i am taking medicines everyday, every morning, it's like washing my face every morning..ma3linach!!
but last night, the other part of my neck was aching..the opposite side...it's still aching...it's like the first time this illness appeared...am i having another ganglion in my neck?! i am afraid !!
not that !! really i can bear no more, i had just started making plans for my future...and i am fed up of being a burden at home...i want to work, i want to go out like all my friends do...
i wanted to learn spanish and paiting on silk...kan 3ndi barcha ahlam !!
but with this pain, everything crumbles !!
je crois bien que la mort me suit, elle me nuit...qu'il en soit ainsi, que je meurs, je veux juste vivre deux jours en paix!

larme amère fait son voyage
le long d'une joue depaysée
route infinie, chagrin illimité
tableau malheureux, triste paysage

larme sans goût creuse son tombeau
cadavre d'une vie pleine de mystère
brulera sans fin en enfer
et se ressuscite en sourire aussitôt !!

sourire faible, sourire blème
se dessine sur un visage hanté
des maux de coeur plein de secrets
figure de tristesse, autant en faire un emblème

sourire mort sur un visage mourrant
les larmes coulent en deuil
triste automne, la chute des feuilles
la dernière scène d'un soleil couchant


c'est une histoire bien rèelle
d'un visage suicidaire
fin révolutionnaire
adieu la vie qu'on dit belle

la nuit tombe, je me met dans mon lit
la mort se glisse prés de moi, partout elle me suit
comme une femme qui se fait desirer
elle me hante, elle me possède de mon plein gré

je me noie en elle
je perds tout mes repères
une seule idée me nuit
s'evader de cette triste vie

elle ronronne, je me raisonne
si tout le monde fait de la mort une amante
personne ne serait vivant dans ce monde
et pourtant elle me seduit quand elle chuchotte

elle me hante
quand elle chante
elle me séduit
quand elle sourit

elle m'habite, dans l'obscurité elle m'abrite
je coule au fond du noir
dans mes larmes du desespoir
et pourtant je l'aime tant qu'elle me chagrine

i may not get it very well according my friends, but i think that my heart is made for this reason, to love and to love...i dont even think it's made to live!!
that's why i am making a call to all readers to tell me what's love for them...come on!!!
let's have something to discuss!!

merci d'avoir donner un sens à ma vie
merci de m'avoir témoigner cette tendre sympathie
merci d'avoir entendu mes soupirs et mes cris
merci d'avoir posseder mes jours et mes nuits
et dans la profondeur de ton coeur tu m'as enfouit
je suis dépossédée de mes sens que tu as envahis
ahuris par ton charme quand tu souris
merci d'avoir éveillé en moi le mot amour trempé dans l'oubli
et ranimé l'esprit mourant pour écrire avec appétit
merci de m'avoir créer un monde où les larmes sont bannies
où la tristesse ne trouve aucun abri
et l'arc-en-ciel se dresse jour et nuit
merci dem'avoir béni
par ton amour infini
meric d'avoir fait de moi l'amoureuse que je suis
merci d'être l'homme de ma vie

i want to thank you for giving my posts some of your time...i hope you were not bored, i know that my poems bear many " i feel, i am ..." it's because they are a sort of a diary...
the first time i started writing poems, maybe 4 years before, i dont remember..but it was because i used to write absolutely everything in my journal and whenever it was read, i got frustrated each time, feeling like having no intimacy, no safe place to pour my toughts and my feelings...
so i decided to write them in my poems...zaama, as if nobody will understand !! anyway, it helped me!!
after reading many books, i started rhyming...it's still not perfect, but i am working on it...
please leave your comments, they may help me to improve my style and even the way i see things.
lots of love!

it's war time
black flags in flight
people in courage uniforms
determined to break the norms
that makes of their beloved land
an eternal no man's land
it's war time
wrath is burning inside
curtains fall down
peace making foiund no ground
to sow some stupid hopes
to put some invisible props
it's war time
people in frowns
stone scattered on the ground
stone versus bullets
patriots versus war puppets
touched with stones, one can get up
but with bullets, eyes never open up
unfair war time
destruction machines do not differ
between the young and the elder
bullets are pouring
death is floating
taking men of the real cause
leaving fiends of wickedness that oozes from every pore
end of war time
ennemies flag in flight
no man's land
joins the other raped lands.

I loved you when you loved me not
I was down and my heart was shot
I cried and my tears touched you not
* * * *
I was angry, my wrath reborn
Should my heart be twice torn
And the serial of suffering be turned on
* * * *
Why am I the one to cry afterall
Who in the game is the real doll
You only built between us a wall
* * * *
You thought yourself untouched
Irresistable and strongly loved
I was drifted and strangely charmed
* * * *
But did you ever have any doubt
That it is your heart I just owned
You thought I was under your gras
* * * *
I made you believe I was trapped
With your love my heart melted
And my own determination wasted
* * * *
I played with you the same famous game
In which hearts are cut by many lames
If you did me the same, am I the one to blame

You have no right to shout and yell
It’s the game you play very well
And I was only the one who in your love fell
* * * *
Don’t blame me, don’t complain
It is just the same wicked game
That lovers love to play

Candle light
Misery inside
Tears I fight
I took my pen
Defeated by pain
I drew a line
On a paper so white
The candle burning
My heart bleeding
My hand shaking
Decision I was taking
So cruel, so hurting
It was you I was deserting
My candle cried its tears
My pen cried its ink
In darkness I sink
Within an eye blink
My wounds healed
Fear disappeared
My soul released
From my heart you’re chased
Your memory soon faded

Barren land, we are all gathered
Barren land, we are also scattered

Barren land, my home is dreadful
Our state is always pitiful

Barren land, we call it home
It’s rather a dark little hole

We cultivated love there
We watered it with a loving care

But it’s a barren land
We are never hand in hand

Sweat ran over our foreheads
Our hearts with cold are dead

When it is just a barren land
Place i can never stand

The father is an old truck
His role an unfulfilled task

The mother is a scarecrow
No tenderness ever flows

It’s a barren land
A torment with no end